you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
