So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
