The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.