So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
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After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
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Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar