you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?