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He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
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i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
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Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice