I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants