So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?