So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
