Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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