What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
