Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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