I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
