Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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