CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
