Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
