I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
