The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I have post one night stand depression
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