Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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