I need help removing her.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
