I could make wine with my vomit
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
