You're completely useless in the revolution.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
