i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
