Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you didnt know i had herpes?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
