last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
