you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
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he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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