Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
