I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
