Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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