He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
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My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
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I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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