On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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