Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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