Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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