Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
