Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
