just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
