i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
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kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
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