20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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