He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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