I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
