I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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