You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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