if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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