Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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