I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
