I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
