My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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