His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
