Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Randomize
