I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
