Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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