Acid is not a monday night drug
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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