i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
