My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Randomize
