just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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