New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It's never too late to be topless.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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