you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
