My sheets look like a crime scene.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
