South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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