Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
