Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
