so explain again why im purple
no
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
A bitchslap is in order.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
