Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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