i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
