LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
