I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
