a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
