It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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