the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
