Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
The ass gains better be worth it
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