We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
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By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
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Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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