i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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