So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
